exophilic

nobody ever had a crush on me

noone ever passed me a note
noone ever wrote me a poem
noone ever looked away hurriedly
     embarrassed to meet my glance
noone ever learned my details
noone ever followed me around
noone ever ran away
    when they saw me see them see me

noone ever carved my name with a compass
     into their desk
          or their pencil case
               or their bleeding flesh
noone ever sent their friend
     to tell my friend
          to tell me how they felt
noone ever fantasised about me
noone ever imagined marrying me
noone ever dreamed about me holding them in my arms
noone ever wondered what they could do to make me happy

noone ever spent an hour
     staring at my thighs
          trying to remember
               every subtle curve
                    desperate to never forget

nobody ever had a crush on me


until the subject of my most secret
crush began to stalk
me all over the internet
and hanging out and drunken talk.
she stole me and she stole my heart
she wrote songs about me too
i should have told her from the start
the way i felt - she always knew

she
make me
feel so lucky -
imagine if nobody
ever loved me

regret is the flipside of nostalgia

i've endeavoured not to have them cos they've proved no use
yet i bet we all get regrets we don't choose
seems everything i regret not doing involves music
whilst everything i regret that i did in fact do
involves girls - and most of both involve you

indefinite 139 should

mute mortified
made futilely fortified
fatally beautified
bail
abort duty
daughter deified



i don't even entirely know what this is about - i just liked the way these 12 words sounded together and tried to form them into something vaguely coherent.

green pen

you make me feel
like everything i do
with you
is better than
anything i can
even attempt
with any other implement

you make me feel
from the start
that this is art
that it would be wrong
not to pour a song
or poem
into my trivial tome

you make me feel
my tiny quirk
is a stand aganst work
because of my adoration
i'll never use you for a calculation
even if they insist
i'll never use you for a shopping list
you'll never be a tool of finance
though in the right circumstance
i may use you on the inlay of a cassette or
to set out a threat or in a love letter
if the content can just-
ify you - trust
that you'll have a mandate if
i'm feeling creative

you make me feel
you're the only stationery i adore
you've got something special at your core