exophilic

nobody ever had a crush on me

noone ever passed me a note
noone ever wrote me a poem
noone ever looked away hurriedly
     embarrassed to meet my glance
noone ever learned my details
noone ever followed me around
noone ever ran away
    when they saw me see them see me

noone ever carved my name with a compass
     into their desk
          or their pencil case
               or their bleeding flesh
noone ever sent their friend
     to tell my friend
          to tell me how they felt
noone ever fantasised about me
noone ever imagined marrying me
noone ever dreamed about me holding them in my arms
noone ever wondered what they could do to make me happy

noone ever spent an hour
     staring at my thighs
          trying to remember
               every subtle curve
                    desperate to never forget

nobody ever had a crush on me


until the subject of my most secret
crush began to stalk
me all over the internet
and hanging out and drunken talk.
she stole me and she stole my heart
she wrote songs about me too
i should have told her from the start
the way i felt - she always knew

she
make me
feel so lucky -
imagine if nobody
ever loved me