just writing this scared me

i've never spoken most of what i feel
because i'm terrified of brain drugs
i've learnt to fake an evenness of keel
because i'm terrified of brain drugs
my gp's on a uni campus 200 miles away
and i've not been there since registration day
because i'm terrified of brain drugs

although there's stigma i am not ashamed
i'm just terrified of brain drugs
i'm not protecting someone who i blame
i'm just terrified of brain drugs
there are people i love too much to want to see distressed
but that's not the the reason there's so much i can't confess
i'm just terrified of brain drugs

i don't know how much brain they might adjust
that's why i'm terrified of brain drugs
i couldn't muster that level of trust
that's why i'm terrified of brain drugs
i wouldn't part with the hardest of the feelings that i feel
if i had to trade the certainty that who i am is real
that's why i'm terrified of brain drugs

games

games


quit playing games with my heart
    it doesn't understand the rules
    and when you explain them
    you keep leaving out important aspects
    until you need them to win

quit playing games with my heart
    it's neither round enough
    nor robust enough
    to be a suitable ball substitute

quit playing games with my heart
    it isn't square enough to be a die
    nor small enough to be a counter
    nor flat enough to be the board

quit playing games with my heart
    or if not
    at least let it win occasionally



as requested by @debsa

WORK IN PROGRESS - the saddest dance

watching the way her body weeps
mesmerised by each melancholy movement
a physical metaphor for how she keeps
strong in every weakness and weak in every strength
  how can i tell her:
    i'd like to write you
    a song to dance to
    that's sadder than the saddest song
    anyone ever danced to before
    a song about heart-ache and heart-break
    and dubious decisions that your heart makes
    a song of love and loss and loneliness
    and choking when you choose to take a chance
    a song of pain you can't explain
    that makes you want to rip thoughts out of your brain
    a song about the way you make me feel
    when you dance the saddest dance


although she's painfully alone
the tale she's telling's so intriguingly told
she draws me in until i feel i've always known
the intimate secrets she's secreted in her soul
  and my reply is:
    i'd like to write you
    a song to dance to
    that's sadder than the saddest song
    anyone ever danced to before
    a song about their mess, unfairness
    and victims of a world that couldn't care less
    a song of hiding behind hopelessness
    and silence when you're scared to take a stance
    a song of woe that floods the globe
    that makes your empathy overflow
    a song about the way you make me feel
    when you dance the saddest dance


dance to
my song of meaningless, ennui, never seeing who to be
of wishing for admissions that the whole human condition
has a bleakness in its weakness that can pique a man to seek
for some joy to fill the void he's annoyed he can't destroy

    a song that though you'll never know
    the full extent of my myriad sorrows
    you capture them in how you make me feel
    when you dance the saddest dance

lines and curves

some people are tangential to your life
intersecting for an instant
then continuing on the same path
as you curve away

some people are asymptotic to your life
even though the difference between you nears zero
you are destined never to coincide

rose is

when you need advice roses are rede
whatever your question roses are redditive
for any transgression roses are redemptive
no matter the grievance roses are redressors.
they thought roses were reducent but roses are redient
roses are redoubled because roses are redoubtable.

oh, roses are redhanded
roses are redacted (roses are redolent)

from now on roses are redubbed
roses are redwood to consider roses' redition
roses are redundant because roses are redargued
- roses are reductio ad absurdum



for @rosebiggin
(an earlier draft i accidently deleted may have been better, sorry)